Believe it or not, I am a total mush when it comes to a good clean romance movie. Pride & Prejudice, North & South–okay so most of them are based in 19th century England but I love them. Another movie series I loved growing up was Anne of Green Gables. To me, Anne was the perfect mixture of spunk and awkwardness, and I always wanted to be like her.
I loved how she played out scenes from books and beat Gilbert Blythe in certain things. To an athletic book worm, she was idyllic.
But there was one thing Anne had that I didn’t find until a few years ago, a ‘bosom friend’. That always sounded kind of funny to me but she made it seem like life wasn’t fully lived without a best friend.
Looking for a Best Friend
There were a few girls my age in my neighborhood but I never clicked with them as easily and so every time a family moved in, I was over there seeing if there was a girl that would be my best friend. I switched schools a few times for academics and softball and my idea of the perfect best friend changed. I realized that life takes us in different paths and that sometimes a best friend would only be that for a few months or a year. I just needed to enjoy it while it lasted.
College came and with it two gals that made my time away from home awesome. They picked me up when things were hard with softball and we would spend late night hours hanging out with friends across town (all in the beautiful city of Boston). They are the kind of people that I can go months or even a couple of years without talking to and we can pick up where we left off, knowing that life gets busy.
As they married and started their families, our friendship, although close, changed. With responsibilities and jobs, they had to focus on their marriage, something that I hoped would happen someday. I mean, we were all waiting for Anne to finally fall in love with Gilbert!
Finding My Bff
It wasn’t until a date with the brother of a friend happened that I realized a ‘bosom friend’ didn’t necessarily mean it was a girl or that we had to be friends since the day we were born. No, we didn’t know each other since we were in grade school. But I could talk to him and he would listen. He encouraged me and still does. He supports my crazy ideas and helps me get through the day with a little bit of sanity intact.
My best friend is my husband. Although the world may think that you can’t be best friends with your spouse, I say you can!
You need to!
With all of the craziness going on, we set the example for our kids. We help them navigate life.
Yes, you can still have your good friends from high school or college or another time in your life. But it’s how much time and effort you put into your marriage that matters. Don’t let it go by the wayside because you need to be gone all of the time.
Ease of Communication
This might not seem like a big deal but your friends have their own lives and families or careers and all that can get in the way when you need a little help or advice. Having someone you can go to and talk about anything without feeling judged or criticized is important. No matter if your spouse often for work or comes home every night, establishing a pattern of communication.
Talk about Everything
Talking with your spouse about the days events, your dreams, etc. brings you closer together. Don’t get me wrong, that relationship or ability to communicate doesn’t happen overnight. But if we’re running to our best friend outside of the home, no matter who it is, we are drifting apart from our spouse just a little bit. Over time, those little bits can add up to a great divide.
I’ll be there first to admit that when we got married, I was probably the worst communicator on the planet. I bottled everything up, not talking to anyone about how I felt, until it got to the breaking point. With time, I’ve realized that talking with Max is like a sounding board and we can get to where we want to go and make goals together.
We went through some tough things at the beginning of last year as a business we ran went downhill. We had a ton of overhead and were looking at bankruptcy if we weren’t able to get rid of some of the equipment soon. We made it through but it was something we had to do together.
You can’t just have one person with that gut-wrenching feeling. There’s no better way to help out the stress level than by having the two of you working together to get it figured out. Talking, no matter if it’s about something good or bad, is the best way to learn about your spouse, and you as well.
It’s your future
Not that your friends won’t be around forever, because in some rare cases, they will be. But they will always have their family or other obligations and goals that they are focusing on.
No one should be more invested in your marriage than you and your spouse. Whatever your relationship goals, it’s important to keep that in mind because if you’re not moving forward, you’re probably moving backwards.
The greatest thing is that you don’t have to be perfect best friends all at once, or ever. You just need to be there for one another. So while having a “bosom friend” can help out your life, having your spouse as your best friend is the most important of all.
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