His & Hers: Supporting Your Spouse

There are so many paths we can take in marriage, so many options and decisions that can take us down different paths. But one of the best ways to have trust in your relationship is to support your spouse. Now, ladies, we’re not talking about how you have to do all of the conventional things from the 1950’s and guys you are off the hook as long as you pay the bills and put food on the table.

Marriage is about more than those roles and, often, picking up the slack for your spouse when things get crazy. As the husband or wife, the only way your relationship can improve is if you’re moving forward together. If you’re not supporting one another, that trust and confidence might not develop.

Everyone has insecurities and a lack of courage when it comes to something. These can keep us from our goals or from the things we want in life. It is in these moments when support from our other half can make the difference in realizing those goals.

Hers

In the little, daily things

Whether your wife is a works or is a stay at home mom, she’s probably got things she needs to get done, just like you. If you look at the typical “wife” duties, it’s like a laundry list:

  • Cleaning the house
  • Doing the laundry
  • Making dinner and other meals
  • Washing the dishes
  • Grocery Shopping
  • Being the keeper of schedules
  • Taking care of you and the kids

And the list goes on. The best option would be to have you take over her duties for a day or two to help you understand how valuable she really is in your life.

But if that option isn’t feasible, what will show your support and build trust in your relationship is to look around and see what needs to be done. Then remember Nike and Do. It. I know, it seems odd to not have her nag you to death about it or to be asked in the first place, but this will score some major brownie points for you.

Unload the dishwasher. Pick up the toys. She’s probably done it at least 5 times that day so one time will make her not want to throw them all in the trash. Throw in a load of laundry. Get dinner going, or if you don’t cook, order it in. Offer to run an errand or take the kids to a few of their activities.

Take 5-10 minutes before you plop yourself down on the couch to help out. By pitching in, it takes some of the stress off and makes her feel like she can keep going and do the things she needs to as well as have a little time for the things she wants to do.

In developing talents

Growing up, I had this misconception that once you hit a certain age, you were “too old” to accomplish or learn anything new. It seemed like everyone thought, and still thinks, the child prodigies of music, academics and sports are the only things that matter. Once you pass that age and haven’t accomplished anything that the world says is notable, anything you do after is less important.

Guess what? That’s not the case! You can begin to learn the piano in your 30’s or in your 80’s if you want. Because you haven’t published a book by age 16 doesn’t make it any less valuable at age 50.

So if your wife has talents that she can hone or even would like to develop, give her the opportunity to do so. Chances are, her skills as a wife will strengthen and her confidence will increase.

Even with young children, it’s possible, with your help. Let her take a voice lesson or get out to play a sport. It might be hard for the first time or two to remember all that you are supposed to do when taking care of the kiddos but you’ll get in a rhythm. Give her that time because not only does she need a break to get out of the house but she can teach it to your children or is happier.

In pursuing dreams

We all have dreams but sometimes we aren’t brave enough or believe it will work out. We don’t take that leap of faith because we don’t feel like we have support behind us.

If it’s something small, like improving a talent, you know what to do from the point above. Even if it’s something big, you have to show that you will be there to buoy her up when things aren’t automatically easy. Whether it’s starting a business or running a marathon, be there for her. Listen to the ups and downs, the successes and failures and let her know that no matter what, your opinion of her hasn’t changed.

Fear of failure keeps us from doing a lot of things. Without the support of a husband, some wives feel trapped, like they will never accomplish what they’ve always dreamed. Let us try something new, give us a little bit of time to do it.

Just like any dreams, sometimes we have to start small in order to get there. Maybe that hobby can turn into something profitable for your family. But you both have to work together to make sure it doesn’t disrupt the family dynamic.

Just remember, that she has dreams and goals as well.

His

Recently I read an article from The Huffington Post titled, “Top Ten Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced”. Their headliner read, “The number one reason why couples get divorced is not money but communication.” Another article pointed out that they think the biggest cause of divorce is not infidelity or financial issues but the lack of investing in their marriage. A marriage therapist commented that couples who decide to divorce each other stop caring and investing in their marriage.

After reading all these wonderful and uplifting post I felt somewhat bugged. Well, what is there to do about it? How can we change that? How can we better the world or how can we help people get past some these problems that they’re having? I started to look at my own life and what is something that my wife does to help me it is something small but very meaningful to me and that is she supports me.

I wish I could give 3 specific points on how she supports me but it is a lot more meaningful than just 3 things. Basically, she supports me in everything, as long as it’s good. Now she’s not going to support me in doing a daredevil jump on a motorcycle across the Grand Canyon. She’s the logic saying, “You will die! Quit screwing around.”

There are two points I want to point out that I feel every wife should help support their husband in:

His Job

The first thing is being supporting to your husband and his job especially if he is self-employed. I’d like to give a shout out to all those self-employed you guys out there because I know how hard it can be to survive financially sometimes. We are in construction and there can be times when you go without having work and going on faith.

There’s nothing more comforting to have than a wife that believes you can get the work, that believes in you and that everything will work out for the good.

Wives, this is something that we all need to understand: we have a lot of pressure from work and trying to support a family. Be there for your husband. You can have a bad day, yes, but he needs to feel like you are behind him, like when the rest of the world is weighing down on him, he has you to lean on.

Don’t tell him he’s no good because he doesn’t make a ton of money.

Don’t make him feel like he’s failing in your eyes too.

Listen and remember. Remember the things he tells you about the people or situations at work and if he asks, give him input on how to resolve things.

In His Dream

The second one way to be supportive to your husband is one of my favorites. Everybody needs to learn to dream and have a dream. There is nothing greater than to have your wife believe that your dream is good and something worthwhile.

Granted, sometimes our dreams need some steps to get there. Help your husband see that he can accomplish that dream but he might need to start smaller or build up the experience to eventually achieve that dream.

It’s even more amazing with both of you have that same dream and set goals to achieve it. I love this quote:  

“Any woman can spend a man’s money, ride in his car, and order off the menu. But only a real woman can help a man achieve his goals in life, support him when he is broke, push him to be successful, shower him with positive energy, compliment him on a regular basis and never kick him while he’s down. If you find a woman like that make her your real partner for life!”  – Unknown

Just remember that we are in this together and with support comes a higher chance of success!

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