Do you have a nagging wife or a wife always complaining about things around the home? Is it usually to pick up this or that or help her finish some projects?
Chances are, you’re doing your thing, trying to fulfill your duties as a husband and father and take care of your family. You feel you work hard, networking with people, making deals or working hours out in the elements. You’re tired and when you get home, all you want to do is sit like a log and watch TV.
Communication is one of the things that can make or break a marriage – depending on how efficient your form of communication is. Have you talked about marriage expectations? What I mean is, have you talked about the roles each of you play in the relationship? For some couples, things are very black and white and for others, it tends to vary on situation.
Here are some reasons she became a nagging wife:
1. She’s not your maid
If your typical routine is to come home from work, sit on the couch and not move until it’s time for bed, there’s the root of the problem. If she asks you to do something, she probably needs help within the next few minutes. When she doesn’t get a response or movement from you, that’s why she keeps asking you to do the same things: Clothes go IN the laundry hamper, not right next to it. Peels and wrappers go into the garbage. That mess you made from making lunch? You can spare the two minutes it takes to clean it up.
You might think it’s not a big deal – She can pick up a pair of socks from the family room floor, right? But so can you!
What to do
Take a few seconds and look around before leaving a room; The less of a mess you leave, the happier your wife will be.
Yes, picking up a pair of socks is easy but if you say that about every little thing, it adds up. Her time is valuable, just as yours is, and by picking up after yourself, you make it easier for her to get to other things on her to-do list, or to even just relax and hang out with the kids and family.
2. She isn’t sure you’re listening
If your wife asks you to take out the garbage, how long does it usually take you to do it? If you’re a person who doesn’t respond right away, or someone who forgets the favor while staring at the TV, that’s why she has to rephrase and repeat the question…constantly.
Maybe she wasn’t heard or no one listened to her when she was younger. Maybe she is trying to get things done and could use some help. That’s why talking, with actual words and not grunts, is important in your relationship. Talk about it and understand where each of you is coming from.
What to do
It’s not hard to stop whatever you’re doing and look her in the eyes and acknowledge the question. Promise to really talk to her. When she’s talking, listen. There’s nothing better for building a better relationship than being heard.
3. She doesn’t want to do it all alone
Contrary to popular belief, not all women want to do everything a man does. And if you’ve done her a favor in the past (like putting holes in the walls for pictures) chances are she’ll wait for you to do those tasks.
The “honey-do” list seems like something to laugh at, but if you actually make progress on them, she will know that you will get to it and won’t need to nag. Whether it’s putting together a set of shelves so she can get things organized or touching up the paint, take a project and set aside the time to get it finished.
Maybe it would take her double or triple the amount of time it will for you to accomplish the task. She’s probably weighed out the time it would take to finish and knows it’s better to keep the other balls in the air that she needs to and let you do your thing, even though she would love to have it done right then.
What to do
If this task will take two days to complete, take a day off of work and work on it or schedule out your weekend plans accordingly. There’s nothing worse than starting a project and then waiting another six months to get it finished or to work on it again. If it takes 15 minutes, start at half-time and get back before any of the action starts.
Be courteous and give your wife a timeline of your schedule and when you think her project will be finished. Put a finish date on the family calendar. That way, you’re both on the same page and there won’t be a need to nag.
4. She’s Not a Single Parent
I don’t know if you’ve had a chance to take care of the kids on your own but it’s a tiring job, to say the least. When you have little ones, she’s with them all day long, unless she works away from home. Eight plus hours. She’s probably gone through her bag of tricks and then some to make it to the point when you get home.
Think about your normal actions from day-to-day. Do you come home and give her the chance to get a few things done, playing with the kids? Or do you sit with your phone six inches from your face and tune out everything around you?
What to do
For the sake of your wife’s sanity and the connection with your kids, HELP OUT! It’s amazing to see how many women are burned out from mothering, simply because they don’t have the support behind them and don’t have the opportunity to get out as often as they need.
Parenting takes the help of both parents, if that is possible. Let your wife know you’re behind her. Give her a day or a night out every once in a while and make sure to help out when she’s trying to get dinner on.
5. You don’t spend enough time with her
When you get married, any and all best friends should take the back seat. Your wife should be your best friend. She should be the one you go to for advice. If you have a problem between the two of you, you discuss it with her, not your friends.
Your wife might nag about you going out so much because in reality, you are going out too much. How often do you take her on a date or sit down and have an in-depth conversation with her?
You might think, “I need guy time.” But what about “wife time”? If it’s so important to get out of the house, take her with you. Include her on what’s going on in your life and the decisions you’re making. It all affects her future too.
What to do
Set aside time to be with her, not only intimately but for daily conversations and date nights. Make her your new best friend because your relationship is the most important investment you make. Sometimes it takes a while for the dividends to appear but your marriage should be strong enough to make it through anything. The only way to have a strong marriage is the daily time spent together, the daily inputs into your account.
What’s the best way to handle a wife?
Ultimately, if she nags, it means she still cares and wants to see a change. Even though nagging isn’t the best way to communicate, it is a way she is trying to reach you. Talk about your relationship, the quirks and pet peeves, and make changes to improve your relationship instead of just being annoyed.
The amount of nagging might even go down!
Portions of this post were originally shared here.
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