We’ve been trying to figure out the right topic and the right way to go about it for this His & Hers post. There are plenty of topics we can discuss about marriage and family but for some reason, this one had us stuck.
It would be easy to think, “Why does he not give me little surprises anymore?” (which I’ve done a few times…). “Why doesn’t he do XY or Z anymore?”
Let’s be honest, life happens. When you have kids, things tend to get thrown on the back burner as you work to put out the fires of tantrums, screaming or needs like food.
Hers To the guys:
Before that though, I just want to say that, guys, husbands, just know a compliment can go a long way. Whether it’s how she looks (if she got dressed), that she made dinner or she reorganized/cleaned something in the house, give her a compliment. When she comes home from work, listen to her day and find something to praise and encourage.
There are times when we feel like we are failing, when this motherhood thing has its hard moments. It’s times when we wonder if it makes a difference to put the toys away for the 500th time or if the work we put into laundry and keeping the kids happy is noticed.
A simple, “Thank you” or “This looks great” can make all the difference in your wife’s day.
Hers To the gals:
So my thought is, “What can I do to bring back those butterflies and that excitement from dating?”
Serve your spouse
When I think about serving, for some reason my mind pictures some older couple helping each other find their false teeth and glasses. Then I think of outdoor work like raking leaves in someone else’s yard. Maybe serving your spouse is taking care of the yard but it can be a thousand different things.
I loved this quote:
“Serving your spouse, doesn’t mean beckoning to their every call. It also doesn’t mean sacrificing yourself entirely. Obviously you still get to have a say in what you do and keep your “backbone”.
“What serving your spouse really means is having a humble awareness of how you can help. It means being mindful of what your spouse stands in need of and doing it. It’s even better when you move about quietly, stealthily even, simply doing what needs to be done.” (SimpleMarriage.net)
Whether it’s making sure the keys are found before the next morning or that the shirts are clean, if it will help, do it. Taking the time to make lunch or even making dinner, as much of a pain as it can be at times, is service. You’re doing what you can to make sure your family is physically fed.
You can give service by stopping what you’re doing and giving your spouse 5 minutes of undivided attention. I know, I know. It’s hard to do that with little ones running around (or lying around), but show that interest. Then if you need to get something done, tell them to help you fold the laundry, make dinner, and keep talking about it as you go.
Anytime Max is near me, he’s usually running into me or hugging me so tight I can’t breathe. Think 5th grade crush trying to get attention. It’s usually at the most inconvenient times, like when I’m cooking or trying to do something before the babies explode (screaming-wise).
I didn’t realize how much I need that, even though it’s not your typical show of affection. Sometimes with little ones needing things all day, you’d think I would be done with being touched but it’s amazing what a hug can do. It brings a certain energy with it, giving a rejuvenating effect.
So I can be the one to initiate the hugs and kisses. As much as he teases me, sometimes a girl just needs to be held.
Create “Us” time
After a long day, sometimes all you want to do is curl up by yourself. With no one talking to you, pulling on you or asking you a million times in a row for goldfish crackers, it’s hard to devote a little more time to your spouse.
But you have to.
It’s one of those things that if you’re not working on, you’ll lose that ability. Losing the ability to speak and interact with each other can come on fast and the best thing is to find some time to talk or snuggle.
I’ve long thought of this as Max’s job, thinking that’s just what the husband does. But in all truth, it’s my relationship too. I have to put in the effort just as much as he does. Coming up with date ideas isn’t just his job. We can switch, which makes it more likely that we’ll actually do something.
It’s in those “us” moments that you will continue to keep that flame going, as long as you talk and work together on it. Even if you only have 10 minutes before you crash into glorious sleep, take it. Use it.
Listing good qualities
One of the best ways to make marriage better than dating is to list the good qualities from your spouse. You can even go so far as to write down the qualities he/she had while dating and then write the ones he/she has now in another column.
Chances are those will have some similarities but also quite a few differences. I’m sure if your spouse did the same thing, you would realize you’ve both changed in certain ways.
Take those qualities and work to encourage them. There’s nothing better than having that support behind you of your spouse. Plus, it helps you have a deeper love.
Marriage doesn’t have to be dull and boring. There are a ton of fun things to do and it is okay to act a little younger than your age. Create those fun memories together and you will recall them often, making life that much more fun.
Before we get to it, I wanted to share something that made me laugh
“Stop waiting for Prince Charming. Get up and go find him. He may be stuck in a tree or something.”
I love that it’s so true if it wouldn’t be for the women in our life I really think we would still be stuck in the Stone Age.
So how can we guys make marriage more like when we were dating? Here are a few things to help give your marriage a little zip, as I like to call it.
Let’s be honest. We, by nature, tend to be complacent. We’re good with the way things are. Why rock the boat when there’s no storm? Why try to fix it if it’s not broken?
But sometimes the most exciting things in life come from doing some spur-of-the-moment crazy things. Apply that to your marriage because it’s okay to be spontaneous and crazy. You know your limits on these things so don’t go overboard.
Maybe you decide to have a getaway for the weekend an hour before you leave. You go to that midnight showing of the movie she’s been dying to see, even if it will hurt the next day. Doing things out of the ordinary can sometimes be the best memories.
Plan date night
Completely opposite of number one but remember a balance in all things, but this is just as important.
Actually plan to go on a date more than once a month. remember you fell in love with this person because you loved spending time with her. You planned to go do things and some of the most exciting times was knowing that you were going to see her.
When you are planning something don’t just do the normal routine dinner and a movie. It’s okay for sometimes but mix it up a little bit. Since we’re married, we have the advantage of our wife to help us out, so what could go wrong? It would be nothing but awesomeness.
It doesn’t always have to be fancy either. Just something fun and simple you and your wife can do together. Sans kiddos.
Have fun with your wife
Yes, the romantic stuff is important but what leads to the romantic stuff is having a lot of fun with your wife. Try not to be such a drag when she wants you to go do something that she finds interesting.
Trust me, there’s nothing your wife hates more than taking you along to something you don’t want to go do and acting like a little pill about it she will love you so much more if you put on your game face and enjoy spending time with your wife.
How many times when you were dating did you do something you weren’t all that thrilled about doing but went ahead and did it because of her? Remember the part about being married is seeing your wife smile and knowing that you put that smile there.