I usually like to include all mothers in my posts because we may all have different situations but we have the same job as mothers. This post is directed at stay-at-home moms but if you can find something in here that is valuable, I will have done my job.
I’ve read a lot lately about moms who have trouble finding themselves after having kids. They get so stuck in the routine of helping and serving those in their family that they lose sight of who they were before. They give just about everything to make their husband and children have the best life possible.
Winter can be extremely hard as well because you are stuck inside, praying that no one will get sick because it will run through your family like wildfire. You wonder what it’s like to have a conversation with another adult and you could use some sunshine.
There are a lot of things you can do today, to find yourself and once you do, you work on the balance of mom and wife and woman. Because we’re not talking about throwing in the towel on motherhood, and we’re not talking about escaping the life you have now. It’s all about adjustments, and finding ways to make yourself happy as well.
Reflect on Old Talents
What did you love to do before you had kids? Were you an artist? A musician? Did you run a lot?
There are so many things you can start back up again after kids. Yes, you’ll be a little rusty and it might be disappointing to realize you’re not where you once were, but if you get started now, it will be easier to get back to where you were, or close enough.
Talk to your husband about your desires to start up again and tell him when you need to work on it. Maybe you take time out every Wednesday night for a couple of hours. If he knows about it, it will be a set thing and you can both plan on it instead of letting other things get in the way.
Maybe there’s no way to have a set time, check your schedule and talk about when you can do it. Make sure to discuss it with your hubby. I’m not trying to act like he has the final say, I’m just saying that when you talk about your desires and needs, it’s easier for him to help you with them. There will be less of a chance that something else comes up and then resentment won’t seep in because of it.
Look for events in your community
Maybe you can’t really get started with some of your old talents but you’ve always wanted to try something new. The best way to try something is see what is going on in your local community. There are always events from book clubs to craft nights to sports.
I have always loved sports and was looking for a one night a week kind of activity. I mentioned it to someone and she invited me to play with a bunch of other moms every Thursday night. The best part is that the babies are all asleep and I can get out and get moving, bonding with other moms that understand how mom life goes.
Your local library probably holds some events and check into your county because many classes for learning languages, cooking, or several other skills are held at high schools.
Start a Fitness Routine
Elle Woods had it right when she said, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands (or kids).”
So when you’re feeling like the walls are closing in and you’re going to go crazy with one more shriek, go for a walk/run or put on a Youtube workout video because it will help get those feelings cleared out and you can focus on other things. Plus, it will help you get in shape.
It can get a little hectic to try and workout with kids of varying ages, but I can tell the difference in my day when I make the time and effort to move more. If possible, get your kids involved. C loves to workout with me and will try and do jumping jacks and pushups. It’s a great way to feel better about yourself and spend quality time with them.
Write it all down
You might laugh at this but it’s amazing what writing can do for you. Sometimes the best thing is to get all of your feelings out, the good and the bad, the exciting and the mundane. You can even use these entries in the future as you look back into how far you’ve come.
You might even find that you have a knack for writing and can help someone else out with your experiences and words.
Whether you write a journal, little notes to someone special, or even emails, writing can bring things to your mind that help you find something you loved about yourself before and how to continue again.
Create a Bucket List
I’m definitely guilty of saying that I want to do this or that and then forgetting about it or never making the time to do it.
Sit down and write out the things you want to accomplish, no matter how crazy it is. If you want to learn a language, find an app that will help you out (Duolingo is a good one!). To go skydiving or climb mountains or to finish a novel, put it on the list.
Then put it somewhere you can see it often, and make plans to do one at a time. Maybe you can’t travel to Europe this year or the next, but you can save a little here and there to get there in a few years.
There’s nothing better than making it through something you didn’t think you would be able to do.
My senior year of college, I came down with walking pneumonia during Christmas break. I got back to campus and was only allowed to pitch (softball) for 20 minutes and then I would have to leave practice to go sleep and recover. This meant that the major test, Shuttles as we called them, was delayed and I would have to pass it three days before we traveled to a tournament in another state.
This test normally gave me anxiety as I worried about it during every break but the fact that I would have to recover and then have about a week to train for it seemed insurmountable. But with one day at a time, a little training and change, I was able to pass it.
Sometimes you have things that challenge you as a person. Being the mother of triplets is definitely harder than shuttles because it is an everyday worry, am I doing the right thing? Are we going to make it through today? What do I do in this situation? But it’s a challenge and I know that it’s worth it, even when the day is long.
Find a way to challenge yourself to new heights. It will be beneficial for your and for your family.
Why is it so important to find yourself?
Aside from helping you to lead a happy, fulfilled life, finding yourself will benefit your husband and your children. Seeing you accomplish goals, overcome fears and become stronger can help your relationship with your husband by helping him reach higher as well. Your kids can see that their mother is more than just the person around the house but as a person with goals, with dreams and with a vision of her life that will lead them to want more out of their own.
Find yourself. It’s worth the time and you’re worth every minute and every experience. Because a happier you means a happier family.