I’m sure there are a few of you out there who are so intuitive that you know exactly what your wife needs. For the rest of you, that’s why we have this post, to let you know your wife needs a date night. Alone with you. Make it happen.
A few years ago, there was a commercial that can sum up mom life on most days. (Sorry, the quality wasn’t the best but this was the only one I found.)
Max just got home from a 2-week work trip to Hawaii. I know, I know, it sounds more like a vacation but he really did have to work construction. Meanwhile, guess who stayed home with our 4 kiddos. Me. It was amazing that by the time we would be able to call him at 9:00 pm (5:00 pm Hawaii time), my brain was mush and I felt like I couldn’t put together sentences. When you have to negotiate things like how many Paw Patrol episodes the 3yo can watch or even argue about what to have for dinner or what to wear to bed, you’re ready to sink into the covers and sleep for days.
So why should you go on a date with your wife? You can hang out on the couch and binge watch stuff on Netflix and check your phones every 20 minutes at home, right? Wrong! I admit, we do that quite often, when my mind needs to wind down and help me relax after a long day. But there needs to be date night!
To get her out of the house.
You’re probably in a slightly different scenario but I’ll give you an example from my life. To get out of the house requires effort and sometimes I just count that as my cardio and call it a day. By the time I get three babies strapped into car seats, a little boy with his socks and shoes on, and make sure the diaper bag is packed with the necessities, that’s only the first part of the battle. I have to take them upstairs and hook them into our stroller just to wheel over to the van, because how can you choose which baby to leave behind? I click the car seats into their bases (thank goodness for that feature to save some bit of sanity), usually fight with the 3yo because he wants to buckle it “all by himself”. Then to get them out starts the process all over again, meaning I’m usually tuckered out after the second store we visit.
But out is out! It’s amazing what a little fresh air will do! I can talk to other adults, mostly starry-eyed folks asking every question under the sun about the babies. Even my 3yo knows now to say, “3 boys and 1 girl.” My conversations are usually awkward because I know that if I don’t get out by X-time, the world will start to crumple up in either the form of my 3yo or my hungry babies.
Let your wife get out with just you! Give her a break from negotiating like it’s a hostage situation. If you’re too cheap to pay for a babysitter, just remember she completes all the roles and more of one in a day without pay so at least you’re saving money there. Splurge a little or have a family member watch your brood.
To Help her recharge Her Energizer Batteries.
I love my kiddos. I’m not saying that to be trite or sarcastic. I love them. But there comes a point in the day, week, or month when I need a little time away. Having to navigate the stormy waters of a kid that now knows exactly what he likes/wants and having to divert the water to the correct channel, or in other words, that he needs to wear pants because it’s too dang cold out to wear shorts anymore!
It can get exhausting but with a little time away, I can be a little more calm and find a solution to the situation. Who knew all I had to say to him about the pants was, “You are getting so big now. We had to put all your other pants away because you are so much taller and can wear these new ones Mommy got for you!” It was like a 180-flip at your favorite skateboarding park.
Even if date night is just a trip to the grocery store, to not be asked if we can buy everything in the store is pretty much awesome. She might not have to go back to every aisle 20 times either because she forgot it trying to hightail it out before he says fruit snacks for the umpteenth time.
After some time away, I feel like I can watch Toy Story for the 100th time without wanting to claw my eyes out.
To connect with you.
I love the quote that says “Marriage is not less important when you have kids. It’s more important to build a strong marriage because others are counting on you now.” It’s so true! It can be hard to have a full, uninterrupted conversation at home because of the immediate needs of the kids. Get out and do something fun together, not always the same thing over and over. Even just going to the park can be a fun date and it will create memories that she can use when she is dealing with four screaming kiddos at the same time. Dates don’t have to be a Caribbean cruise but she might remember them like it was one.
When you were dating, there were all sorts of connections that helped you eventually decide to be together forever. As we grow and get more responsibilities, we start to change and if we aren’t changing together, we’re changing apart.
To feel the love.
That might sound cliche and like I already covered it in the last point but it’s amazing what a woman can do when she feels love and support. When you show her that you love her, that you listen to her concerns, she’s that much more willing to fight against anything that can harm your relationship or your family.
You might think she doesn’t need encouragement because that’s “her job” but everyone can do with a little support. Compliment her and the job she is doing in your home. Try to notice the little things, even if it’s the fact that everyone is still alive and the house is still standing when you come home. It’s amazing what a thank you can do!
Dates don’t have to be elaborate
So you don’t have to have Pinterest-worthy dates planned out every time, nor is it your sole responsibility to plan them. Have your wife chip in her thoughts and plan it together but make sure it happens!